Monday, November 1

the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

isn't that the title of that kid's book? a little over the top, but expresses an emotion quite well.

i just re-read facebook messages from the last two weeks... and they roll from prayers of healing and faith into prayers for comfort in grief. it's difficult to remember.

i'm broken hearted today. i don't want to be strong, and i don't want to know or attempt to be comforted by the fact that God is using this to give me a greater faith or make us great witnesses or anything. i really just want this to be a dream, and to wake up with gwen kicking inside me or crying beside me.

but i won't. and the nightmare just goes on.


  1. Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Isaac likes that book. it's ok to be broken. i wish you could wake up too.

  2. Erin- You are walking a journey that no mother ever wants to live and that's the truth. I have two friends who have experienced your nightmare. If you ever want to talk to them, or write them (so you don't have to have a conversation, but just a dialogue), I bet it would help to hear from those who made it through to the other side.
    Alexander had nothing on you, sweet sister in Christ.
    Praying for you, constantly.

  3. I'm so sorry. I wish you could just wake up from the nightmare....

  4. Hi love. I don't know if I've ever felt the admonition to "mourn with those who mourn" as much as I have the past two weeks. My heart aches, and I wish our hearts could ache next to eachother. I feel bereft as a Tia, wishing I could hold Gwenny and make her giggle. But more than that I feel soul-tied to you as my sister and wish I could take all your pain and nightmares away. Because I don't have that power I am pleading to the one who does - that he would hold you and heal your heart.

  5. yes, talks of faith and purpose don't change your loss or give short cuts to the grief. and as much as we all want to buffer some of the pain, there are depths and spaces that we cannot go to with you. this journey is your own. but know if we could, we would all gladly bear this weight with you, erin. because we love you.

  6. isnt' it strange that something that can make you cray like a baby,(like facebook messages" can also bring comfort. I am praying for you...I have been there...and the pain...the out of body feeling... it gets better. You missing her...that never goes away, but it does get easier.