27

i've had a lot of ideas and thoughts that meant to turn themselves into a blog, but didn't...

my sister came for the weekend, at the last minute. it was so sweet to my soul to have her here. we're only two years apart, and have always been close. when i watch my nieces play together, i think autumn and i must've been the same when we were 6 and 4... playing pretend about nearly everything, fighting over toys and learning to apologize. we've gone through everything together, and i love that she is so near to my heart that we feel each other's sorrows and joys deeply. she is mourning my loss as a mother and hers as an aunt; and we settle into a rhythm of relating to one another that's 27 years into the making. autumn knows the balance of asking questions, crying, making me laugh, serving me when i need it, giving me space with my husband and quiet time with the Lord... what a good thing God creates when He makes sisters. I never have adequate words to express my whole heart, but know that i love you, aut.

speaking of time ... tomorrow is my 27th birthday. i've had a habit for the last 10+ years or so, that the night before my birthday i will sit and journal about the past year and what has changed, how i am different, what were the highlights and the lows, etc. i pull out my journal(s) and read through the past 365 days, remembering what God brought me through.

the theme of my 26th year was Baby. it's what dominated the majority of my thoughts, prayers, and actions. we started trying to get pregnant in december; we found out we were pregnant on february 7. overall, i believe my year was one of JOY, unspeakable joy. and i won't let despair take that away from me. being Gwen's mom for the 9 months of her life was the most lovely thing i've experienced.

Today I was reading Isaiah 61, and how the Lord came to proclaim "the year of the Lord's favor". I began (and will still) be praying that God would give us a year of His favor... but I believe He already did. and while it didn't turn out at all as i had hoped, anticipated or dreamed, He did give us 9 sweet months of joy and a beautiful baby... He had favor over us.

Here's to a new year... Lord, please give me new hopes, new dreams. please show your favor on us once again. please fulfill my longing in your good timing... but soon, Lord, please. Draw my heart after Yours, God. Thank you for never resting until I am wholly, completely Yours.