seasons

i've been thinking a lot about mourning lately, and how i think we americans do it all wrong. and i figured, that if there's a way to do it right, i'll find it in the bible... and what i've found is outward, emotional, long periods of mourning. they expressed grief. they took time for it. they stopped all celebrations and rituals and habits. they sat in silence. they wailed loudly. the psalmist expressed his range of emotions through writing and song. these are the ones that grieved well.

i've met so many women who have lost children or siblings or parents, who have told me that they think blair and i are doing well to "let it out" and to write and write and write and talk and talk and talk. they had not, they tell me, and you can still see the burden they carry. 

so i am determined to do this well.

i was reading ecclesiastes 3 today, and decided to expound the verses and personalize them (vs. 2-4):

God predestined a time for Gwendolyn Hope to be born - it was October 18, 2010 at 3:10pm. He also predetermined her time of death - October 20, 2010 at 3:30am.

He gave Blair and I a time to plant and cultivate dreams for Gwen - 9 sweet months. He gave us a time to dig them up and plow up the ground, readying our hearts for His new (and good) plan  - this is now.

He created a time to die to ourselves and to our own wills as we lay them down before Him.  He also promises a time of healing, a season in which He will gently bind our wounds and restore our broken walls.

He gives us days full of breaking down emotionally before His Body, the Church. He gives the Body the grace to build us up and carry us --- physically, emotionally, spiritually.

He hollows out periods of time for weeping, and weeps with us. He graciously gives moments of laughter to balance out the waves of suffering.

He has determined a time for us to mourn, and promises that we are blessed because of it, for we will be comforted. He invites us to dance with Him, like clumsy children standing on His great big feet as He moves us along to His rhythm.

This is my God. He makes all things beautiful, in it's time.