Thursday, October 28

carried by grace

i just spent the morning coughing up phlegm (what a gross word) and reading through Sarah's blog. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me, and what i saw over and over again in her blog is her decision to keep on living. She chooses joy in Christ over the pain of losing Holden, and I am truly astounded by her.

Last night Blair and I went to the pumpkin carving and chili cook-off at camp. I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was... this was one of those little deaths. I had hoped to bring Gwen and show her off. Both of us had been in more of a fragile mood yesterday, and it was difficult to smile and laugh. And i know that my sweet friends don't quite know what to do to love on us... keep loving and asking and hugging all the same, please. Just know sometimes i will not want to talk or smile.

by the grace of God, i purpose to live today... i think a walk and making carrot cake are in order.

9 comments:

  1. Just heard about your blog, Erin, and I read the whole thing! :) Your heart is beautiful. See ya tonight sometime.

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  2. Erin: My Mom sent me your blog and I've been reading it and crying with each post. I have been and will continue to be praying for you and Blair as your grieve your loss of sweet Gwendolyn.

    Love to you,

    Sarah (Pierce) Sheets

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  3. Erin~ I am a friend of the Cushman family from Platteville. As I read what you wrote about Sarah's blog and how she was choosing joy, that reminds me of one of Blair's very first sermons he preached at the PFMC. I will remember him talking about how we have to make a choice and "Choose Joy". I will always remember that from Blair.

    Many prayers are going out for you and Blair, here in Wisconsin!!

    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

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  4. i just read sarah's blog to see what you were being comforted. and i started crying over her story and how so happy i am that you have someone that understands you like people who haven't endured this just can't. when i read her words i am reminded afresh just how deep this ache goes. and i ache afresh for you, my dear friend.

    oh, and i tried to call you again after i got your fb message but it just beeped at me again. maybe tonight is just not the night :)

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  5. I am a Texas girl too and after Sarah read your story she asked for me to pray for you. I lost my first daughter, Tatum Cate, after 36 weeks of pregnancy in May of 2008. I have been where you are and I know the pain you are feeling. My heart aches for you... I am praying for peace that only our heavenly father can give and that he holds you close during this difficult time.

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  6. Erin, you have blessed my life. You are choosing joy...and He will restore joy in our lives!!

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  7. Erin- Just wanted to stop by and tell you I pray for you so often. I sooo wish I could do even more.
    in Christ,
    M

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  8. i actually made carrot ginger soup instead, since i didn't have enough of the sugary stuff to make the cake. :)

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