i just spent the morning coughing up phlegm (what a gross word) and reading through Sarah's blog. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me, and what i saw over and over again in her blog is her decision to keep on living. She chooses joy in Christ over the pain of losing Holden, and I am truly astounded by her.
Last night Blair and I went to the pumpkin carving and chili cook-off at camp. I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was... this was one of those little deaths. I had hoped to bring Gwen and show her off. Both of us had been in more of a fragile mood yesterday, and it was difficult to smile and laugh. And i know that my sweet friends don't quite know what to do to love on us... keep loving and asking and hugging all the same, please. Just know sometimes i will not want to talk or smile.
by the grace of God, i purpose to live today... i think a walk and making carrot cake are in order.