i just spent the morning coughing up phlegm (what a gross word) and reading through Sarah's blog. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me, and what i saw over and over again in her blog is her decision to keep on living. She chooses joy in Christ over the pain of losing Holden, and I am truly astounded by her.
Last night Blair and I went to the pumpkin carving and chili cook-off at camp. I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was... this was one of those little deaths. I had hoped to bring Gwen and show her off. Both of us had been in more of a fragile mood yesterday, and it was difficult to smile and laugh. And i know that my sweet friends don't quite know what to do to love on us... keep loving and asking and hugging all the same, please. Just know sometimes i will not want to talk or smile.
by the grace of God, i purpose to live today... i think a walk and making carrot cake are in order.
Just heard about your blog, Erin, and I read the whole thing! :) Your heart is beautiful. See ya tonight sometime.
ReplyDeleteErin: My Mom sent me your blog and I've been reading it and crying with each post. I have been and will continue to be praying for you and Blair as your grieve your loss of sweet Gwendolyn.
ReplyDeleteLove to you,
Sarah (Pierce) Sheets
Erin~ I am a friend of the Cushman family from Platteville. As I read what you wrote about Sarah's blog and how she was choosing joy, that reminds me of one of Blair's very first sermons he preached at the PFMC. I will remember him talking about how we have to make a choice and "Choose Joy". I will always remember that from Blair.
ReplyDeleteMany prayers are going out for you and Blair, here in Wisconsin!!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
i just read sarah's blog to see what you were being comforted. and i started crying over her story and how so happy i am that you have someone that understands you like people who haven't endured this just can't. when i read her words i am reminded afresh just how deep this ache goes. and i ache afresh for you, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteoh, and i tried to call you again after i got your fb message but it just beeped at me again. maybe tonight is just not the night :)
I am a Texas girl too and after Sarah read your story she asked for me to pray for you. I lost my first daughter, Tatum Cate, after 36 weeks of pregnancy in May of 2008. I have been where you are and I know the pain you are feeling. My heart aches for you... I am praying for peace that only our heavenly father can give and that he holds you close during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteErin, you have blessed my life. You are choosing joy...and He will restore joy in our lives!!
ReplyDeleteErin- Just wanted to stop by and tell you I pray for you so often. I sooo wish I could do even more.
ReplyDeletein Christ,
M
how was your carrot cake?
ReplyDeletei actually made carrot ginger soup instead, since i didn't have enough of the sugary stuff to make the cake. :)
ReplyDelete