terrariums are good for the soul.

So far today I've accomplished:

1. breakfast! (unusual.)
2. prayer meeting at work. (convicting.)
3. gardening! (also unusual.)
4. iced coffee! (delicious.)

I'm a big fan of terrariums. I've only ever had one before now, mind you. But I've always liked them - it's contained chaos, which is pretty cool. This morning I planted three, once i realized i had the right ingredients. Hopefully lavender, dill, and columbine will start sprouting soon.


I'm feeling surprisingly energetic. I think confession does that to you, actually. This morning during our prayer time, I was discussing with God what I need to confess, asking Him to bring my errors into the light.  "Fear." is what He whispered to the front of the line. Fear of Him and of His plan. Fear of hoping for new things, and putting my heart into anything or anyone that could be taken away from me. Fear of feeling the way I do now, for the rest of my life... fear of feeling this way in the presence of future children.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." - C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I don't want to be controlled by fear. But I'm discovering that it's the natural fallback to humanity. If I'm not actively trusting Jesus and purposefully surrendering my own trembling will into His great hands, I will fear. It will seep in unnoticed, undergird all my prayers and thoughts, and leak it's way out of my heart through my words and actions.

I confess my fear, Lord and the root of my fear - an inability to trust that You are taking care of everything I care about. Fill me with more of You, that I may know and believe and trust in Your good, pleasing, and perfect will for my life.