Monday, April 4

a kitchen floor kind of day.

You know it's a bad day when you cry on the kitchen floor.

I woke up today, somehow knowing it would be a tender one. My premonition proved true: I took a nap this afternoon to try and dispel the gloom; I woke up in a daze and wandered to her memory box, crying for awhile over the smell of her. Then I wandered to the living room; I cried for awhile over her first photos. I sat on the kitchen floor; crying for awhile over the enemy of Death, and crying out for the Lord Jesus to return quickly.

I should really fire myself, if I want Hope Mommies to do well. I'm unpredictable; and it's even more depressing when I try and pull myself out of despair by working on HM to do's --- the organization that exists because she died. Not a real cheer-you-up task. And today nothing cheers; it only distracts.

"The last enemy to be destroyed is death." 1 Corinthians 15:26

Come quickly, Lord Jesus, and destroy the enemy.


  1. Hi Erin,
    I stumbled across your blog yesterday through facebook. My husband and I are Moody grads currently living in Mexico City as missionaries, working with justice ministry and church-planting. I just wanted to let you know how much your blog has impacted me. I gave birth to our second daughter almost 2 months ago, so I was crying as I read your story, not being able to comprehend the loss of a child. Even though I don't even know you, I have truly been grieving for you loss. My heart just aches for you. But I have also been so blessed and challenged and encouraged seeing your faith being lived out through such a painfully difficult time. The thought came to me that God entrusts certain of His children with such difficult burdens because He knows that they will bring honor and glory to Him through it, just like Job. I love how Gwenny's short life has made such an impact on this earth already through the wells and Hope Mommies, and I know that it will continue to do so. Just by reading your blog, I have been reminded to appreciate what a precious gift life is and to not take it for granted. Also, through your transparency I have been challenged to pursue God at a deeper level. I love you, dear sister. Thank you so much for writing what's truly in your heart. I am praying that God reveals His love to you and Blair in a very real and meaningful way today. I know that you bring joy to the Father's heart.

  2. I'm thinking of you today! The various emotions we feel throughout the day are overwhelming, I only hope that tomorrow brings a better day for you. Your doing amazing things with Hope Mommies, I am forever thankful and I bet Gwen is so incredibly proud of her mommy!

  3. You run Hope Mommies well because you are REAL in your grief and you understand the battle we face in our hearts living in a broken world and looking forword to the next life! Allow yourself these dark days, David had them in the Psalms, even Jesus had them. You miss her because of your great love for her, it is no reflection of your faith!

  4. As someone who believes deeply in this ministry and in your vision, I want you to know that I cannot fathom someone being more qualified to pull this off. Be gentle with yourself; she is yours to weep.

  5. you are an incredible person for hope mommies - every hope mommy needs the freedom to cry on the kitchen floor, and it helps to know that others have graced that linoleum. i prayed for you tonight.

  6. I am sorry sweet friend. I love you.

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