Sunday, May 22


I work for a christian camp, Camp Eagle, who's mission is to "Inspire Christlike change through outdoor adventure, authentic relationships, and Biblical truth." This really is the motivating factor in all that we do, and in the counselors that we hire. We want counselors who love God, love kids, and love adventure. The activities, group initiatives, and experiences that we plan and facilitate are sprung from this mission statement.

For example-- or, more to the point of my post, I suppose - this summer we'll facilitate a guy/girl night for the campers. Guys will go spend a night as Men of the woods (ie: camping), and the ladies will spend the evening under the stars at Altar hill (and then go sleep in their air conditioned rooms.) This past Tuesday I facilitated the girl's night for my 8 girl staff/counselors.

We hiked up to the Altar, (I got slightly turned around in the process), and I led the girls through our "evening experience" -- the purpose was to understand that God and not us, is in control, and we are called to submit. This was my journaling of the event the next day:

I talked about how we as women have a tendency to try to control or manipulate a situation or relationships. Our attempts to control is motivated by fear that God will not cover or provide for our deepest desires and the core of who we are. So we talked about what it means to be women who surrender - to let go of control and manipulation, and trust the Lord with our longings. I read the "vows"  from Jesus, and then had the girls spend time praying and journaling on their own about what they are currently trying to control, instead of letting God take the reins. I had them write down what they needed to put in the Trust Chest (thank you MaryBeth!) Then we talked and cried and prayed and walked home.

One thing I challenged the girls with was to be women who love Jesus more than the sum of what we ask of Him, trust Him with, and hope from Him. Like Daniel's friends, I believe that we are called to follow the footsteps of those who have laid down literally everything, and trust the Lord even in the face of possible brokenness, unanswered prayers, or seeming abandonment. May we have a heart that cries, "But even if He does not... I will do what is right. I will still trust. I will still choose Him over everything."

Lord I want to want You more than the children that I long for. I want to be the woman that is secure in your unrelenting pursuit of my heart, affections, and will. I choose You.

Yesterday morning I woke up emotionally drained and anxious - and immediately, my defenses rise and I feel irritated that this is my story, my life. This is not what I wanted. And because I was reminded of my brokenness and I didn't like it, I responded with an irritated, resentful attitude. I picked up Holding On To Hope, and flip to the chapter titled "Submission". (cue: the Holy Spirit's promptings)

Here's a few quotes that I appreciated/cried through:

"For me, submission has meant a quiet, though sorrowful, acceptance of God's plan and God's timing. It has meant giving up the plans I had for my daughter, for my family, for my life, and bringing them all under submission to God."

"Every day, as I let go of my dreams and my desires, as I see little girls the age Hope would have been bringing a smile to the faces of their moms and dads... I'm once again called upon to submit. Some days I do better than others.

But because I believe God's plans for me are better than what I could plan for myself, rather than run away form the path he has set before me, I want to run toward it. I don't want to try to change God's mind - His thoughts are perfect. I want to think His thoughts. I don't want to change God's timing-- His timing is perfect. I want the grace to accept His timing. I don't want to change God's plan-- his plan is perfect. I want to embrace his plan and see how He is glorified through it. I want to submit."

I have a feeling that Submission will be the theme for my summer. It's what I'm teaching the girls for the next twelve weeks, and it's what the Lord is unfolding in my quiet time hours. I'm learning too, that releasing the reins does not mean becoming apathetic. It does not mean ceasing to hope and dream, and specifically pray and plan. It simply means an earnest pursuit of God's will over mine. It means questioning my motives and my desires and testing them against the Word of the Lord.

Lord, create in me a heart that easily and joyfully submits.


  1. You are such a beautiful writer, E, and such an encouragement. Those girls are so blessed to spend this time with you. I love you very much.

  2. Thank you Erin. I needed this today, and well, every day to be honest. You are beautiful and I love you.