exile

The feeling of "being out of it" is something I can't seem to shake. 


Even though I have recognized that I have a "new normal" - well, it's not normal yet. I keep waking up, assuming that today I'll feel put together. Today I'll be able to handle camp, Hope Mommies, dishes, and laundry. Today I'll be able to actually listen and emotionally invest in my husband, my friends, family, and LP's. Today I'll feel like all the bases are covered, my house is delightfully clean, my relationships are just where they should be, and I'm at peace and enjoying life.



And I'm definitely under the assumption that I felt this wonderful before Gwen's birth. Maybe I see my pregnant life through rose colored glasses, and I was just as discombobulated then as I am now. Maybe.


Have you ever read Jeremiah 29? I think we can all quote verse 11, the verse often given to high school graduates and those recently devastated in some way or another - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."


I don't think I had ever paid much attention to the preceding 10 verses. Or the context of the whole book, for that matter. When Jeremiah recorded these words, Israel was in exile. They were lost, cast out, confused, and unsure what lied ahead. They had hoped for better things. They had prayed for God to come through. But they were carried off into exile, by another country with different gods, traditions, and way of life. They were treated as slaves. And then Jeremiah writes them a letter:


"This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem: “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.”


Can you imagine their response to this letter? Really, Lord? You want us to stay here? THIS is your good plan for us? That's what I imagine, because that is my current response. I think that He wants me to build houses. and plant gardens. and have children. and trust that this city of exile, unexpectedness, and confusion is exactly where He wants me right now. He wants me to invest, and not sit around, waiting to feel "normal".