ready, set...

as Anne would say, "Here we go, life!"

It's 10:00pm on Sunday night, and in 12 hours life as I know it will cease, and this soul ache of mine to be a mom -- in one way or another -- will find it's end. We're getting two boys tomorrow, ages three and one. Of course, we don't know how long they'll stay with us, what they're like, what their needs are... but we'll find out tomorrow.


I'm thrilled, of course. It's also just really bizarre. Toys - generously donated by loving friends-- line the bookshelves. A cradle that has stood empty for 11 months will be filled. The twin bed that Gwenny would've eventually graduated to will have a warm, snuggly body between the dinosaur sheets. My days will revolve around meals, nap times, and play... boy play, at which I'm very rusty.

Jumping ahead like this... parenting in a different way than you ever imagined... well, to be honest it's just bizarre and kindof frightening. What a different life.

This morning I was reading Psalm 34... a favorite of mine and Blair's since Gwenny went to Jesus. Again verse 4 shook me:

  I sought the LORD, and he answered me

   and delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant,

   and their faces shall never be ashamed. 

Whatever my fears may be -- whether it be change from my easy schedule, kids that could possibly hate me, failing in my duties as a wife and mom, feelings of regret -- my fears find their answer in God alone. Nothing can ease fear and bring peace, save Christ. He delivers from fear, because I can rest secure in His character... I know my God, and He loves me. So I can trust Him. 

What a God I have. What a God that Gwenny is standing before, at this very moment. 

So here we go, life.