a new leaf

Dear Gwenny,

Hello Sweetheart! Happy Fall. Though we're in a drought and everything stays brown here, I can close my eyes and imagine the fall leaves and "sweater weather" that I love so much. (I wonder if there are seasons in Heaven?) Right now I'm enjoying a hot chai and listening to Pachelbel, wondering what your days are like in Glory.


It's a new season Gwenny, and the Lord is "turning over new leaves" in our lives. Since you left, your dad and I have been so burdened for the unwanted of the world. It is honestly staggering to think of how many children - in Texas alone - are unwanted by their parents... whether by neglect or abuse, these little ones are taught every day that they are unimportant, unloved, unworthy. And it breaks our heart. Losing you... knowing how much we wanted you... has increased our heart to love all these little ones, in a very real, tangible way.

Your dad and I have been in the process of becoming a foster-to-adopt family. We were just licensed this last Friday, and could possibly even have children in our home this week! It's pretty amazing to think that we could jump ahead in parenting by quite a few years in just a few short days. But we're so excited, Gwen. We know that it could be really hard, and our inadequacies will be present in 1,000 ways. But our God is greater! So we trust Him to build our family His way and fill our home with children, whether they be biological or adopted, fostered for two weeks or two years, any race, either gender, and even sibling groups.

I think you're excited with us, Gwen. I think whenever we choose obedience to the Father, you are excited with us. He's made it abundantly clear that He desires to build our family, in His way and in His timing. I think He just wants us to wait expectantly, pray fervently, and say "Yes!" the first time He asks. So we have waited, we are praying, and we eagerly say "Yes!" to His call to love the orphaned, oppressed, and the innocent that cannot defend themselves.

I'm sure I still have an idyllic view of parenthood, and my opinion of myself is much, much higher than it  ever should be! I have visions of peaceful children who sleep easily, play kindly, and obey immediately.  I see myself as a happy mother, wearing an apron and baking bread, always ready with a kind word and smile, coming up with creative schemes for learning and play. (Are you laughing yet and how inaccurate this picture will be? :) ) Oh, but by God's grace! I will be His picture of who He wants me to be, not my own. (But perhaps his picture will include an apron. Somehow, "aprons = lovely mothers" to me.)

I miss you every day, Gwen. Losing you has made me love Jesus more, and I'm afraid that it took something so great as your loss to make me love Him this deeply. I'm so sorry, my love, if because of my selfishness and "my plan", God called you home... to make your parents better parents, and cause us to say "Yes, Lord." the first time He asks. But, then again, I am only sorry for me! Because you have what is far better, and have won the prize after which we've been striving. You have the better, and one Day I will join you.

I love knowing that you're happy, rejoicing, and safe. I love knowing that you rejoice with us too, because we're finally entering into the heart of God by loving the unwanted. And I LOVE that I will see you again, because of what Christ did for both of us.

Always, always, always loving you.

Mom