Thursday, October 18

Happy Birthday, Baby

Good morning, darling.

It's the morning of your second birthday, and I'm enjoying a cup of coffee at the kitchen table while waiting for the monkey bread to finish baking. (I've decided that monkey bread will be a birthday breakfast tradition.) From where I sit, I can see your little brother rolling all over the floor and chasing the blocks that stay temptingly out of his tiny reach. Your footprints are staring at me from Daddy's coffee mug, and I'm already teary and overwhelmed by how people are loving  our little family today.

I feel a little more lost this year, Gwendolyn. Last year I felt as though I HAD to celebrate- it was a miracle that Jesus had saved us from such a heavy weight of grief (not unfelt, of course, but it hadn't brought us to despair. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians, "perplexed, but not despairing,"). This year I feel as though your absence from this life is sinking in, and I'm settling into it. I'm two years closer to you, but oh how long the years can seem! It's a precious thing to see Naomi, Haven, Mattie, Jayden and Aidah grow into little toddler girls, but it does remind me of your absence and nurse such a wistfulness in my heart to have you here.

Our plan for your birthday is to remember and celebrate. Your Daddy took off work, so we're home and will have a small little celebration tonight. I'm hoping we'll be able to send off two sky lanterns after dark, so be on the lookout for two bright orbs making their way to the heavens.

My hope, sweet girl, is that the Spirit would take a snapshot of you and send it to me through a vision or dream. I am longing to see you. But even if He does not... I can rest in His care of us, and the certainty of eternity to come.

I love you forever, Gwenny. Happy birthday, darling!



  1. I'm thinking & praying for you this morning. How I wish I coulb bring you a cup of hot chai & sit with you, visiting.

    I'm so grateful for your faith & peace.

    Monkey breab is a birthbay trabition in our home too! The kibs all love it! Yumm!!

    I will join your prayers for a vision.

    I love you, frienb.

    (the 4th letter of the alphabet key refuses to work on my computer this morning.... annoying)

  2. Happy Birthday, Gwenny. This week, while I watched Haven trying to paint the easel with a mixture of chalk and saliva, I thought of you. And I wondered what kind of mischief you might have gotten into with my little girl at your side... the Lord knows all the mischief your mommy got into with me by her side:). You are missed little one. Antie Mandi loves you.

  3. Have thought of you and Blair and Gwen all day long. Your ache makes me ache for you. Am thankful for God sustaining you these 2 years.