Thursday, October 18

birthday post script

There were a few interesting things about your birthday today, Gwenny.

First, while I was pulling out the wish lanterns that we would send to the heavens later this evening, I accidentally tumbled over a shoebox. To my surprise, the shoebox was filled with old love letters from your dad, and our long lost wedding vows! I have searched high and low for those vows, but never found them until today. That was a gift in itself for me, and it was precious for me to be reminded that your dad and I had vowed to love each other through hardship and joys- both of which we've endured. The Spirit may not give me a picture of you yet, Gwenny, but today He reminded me that He is what has sustained my marriage, enabling us to keep what we promised each other exactly four and a half years ago today.

Second, the lighting was just right and I had just enough spark of creativity to put together a quick photo shoot of your little brother. I took a photo of him and our "gwendolamb" - a gift that a sweet friend had given us after you went Home. Gwendolamb has caught many a tear and allowed me to hug her fiercely when I've longed to hold you these past two years, and is often sporting the pink and white crochet hat that you wore while in the hospital. She's my favorite cuddly thing, and now I have "you" and Cai in a great photo together. (Good photos just make me happy, hon.)

Third, we had a birthday party for you tonight. I made you a pumpkin cake and many of the people that had known you came over. We ate a lot of sweets, sent off two wish lanterns, and sat by the fire after everyone had left.

I didn't know how to feel today, Gwen. I told the Lord this morning that I was unsure how to go about today... and was reminded that even though I may not know the layers of my heart, He does. And so even if everyone mourned/remembered/celebrated with us, or no one did - the Lord knows. There is great comfort in that, isn't there? Hmm. I just realized that it was exactly about this time that I met you face to face two years ago... what a moment that was.

I'm thankful that I can count on many more to come. I love you, Gwendolyn Hope Cushman. You have profoundly changed my life, in nearly every way imaginable. I'll see you soon.


  1. Oh, my stinking heck. Preciousness. Just preciousness. I love the photo tremendously. I'm a bit bummed he is so big! :)

    I'm grateful the Lover of Your Soul spoke to you today and ministered in ways you didn't expect.

    in Christ, miny

  2. I love you so much. I love this picture so much. I love your Gwenny so much. You are such a graceful, joyful, loving momma to both of your sweet children, and it just pours out of your words, your smile, and your daily walk, as you honor these two gifts and the ways they have each changed your life. AND, you honor the Lord as He both gives and takes away...and is GLORIFIED in both. I miss you so much that my heart aches as I read this. About to email you about how we can fix that. :)

    LOVE YOU. Praying for you this week.