Four years

It's Gwendolyn's fourth birthday, and I've been a train wreck, waiting for an opportune time to crash. The fall months are usually a Winter-- a slower season of waiting, remembering, and calm. Not so the past few months. Simply breathing is on the to do list.

I have feared much with this fourth birthday. Fear of not enough time, of making others uncomfortable, of not loving her well as the years pass. Fear of envy, fear of pity. No, not pity- impatience. The fear of man has been wide in my eyes.

My four year old fears God rightly. She never doubts. She willingly runs to You and is confident in Your care of her. She delights in Your presence and would not wish, for even one moment, to be anywhere else.

Isaiah 49 speaks loudly to my fearful soul: "He who has pity on them will lead them... The Lord has comforted his people... Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Lift up your eyes around and see... Then you will know that I am the LORD, those who wait for me shall not be put to shame."

I do not remember for fear of forgetting. And though even I may one day forget, Abba will not. Gwendolyn's name is engraved in the palm of God and held safe in His arms.

I have not hoped in vain. I will not be put to shame.

Four years closer to the reality of Heaven and wholeness.

Happy birthday, my darling.