ant-see

Antsy.

I think that's the best word for how I'm doing today - I'm antsy (which really, is a strange word. My thesaurus app tells me that "fidgety, stir-crazy, anxious, or agitated" might be a better option. Maybe "antsy" was one of those words back in the day that didn't make any sense and caused the older, literate generations to shake their heads in shame... much like I do when my summer counselors use "cray cray" for "crazy". Our nation is quickly becoming the stupidest, most illiterate country in the world... and I don't claim to be an exception!)



But anyway. Back to being antsy.

I've had a great round of guests in and house of the house for the last two and a half weeks, and a few more good friends will descend in a few days. Throughout the last three weeks or so, we've also been in the process of buying a house (never again!) and packing boxes. I'm antsy that I only have a few more weeks at camp, and want to soak up all the camp eagle goodness that I can. I'm antsy because I only have a few more weeks to be ready to uproot and replant our lives. I'm antsy because my awesome son is teething and the poor kid is a little on edge. I'm antsy because I want to BUY BUY BUY cool new house things and figure out a new schedule and food plan and can I still plant a garden this summer ? and I've got an HM planning retreat, a vacation, and a move happening in 4-6 weeks from now. I'm just a good, big, giant ball of antsy.

This morning I was attempting to still my soul by re-reading old journals. I found a prayer I had made to the Lord a few days before Gwenny's 1st birthday. What a great exercise (that I've become lax in) - to actually write out a well formed supplication to the Lord.

"Almighty God, our great Father over all, yet tender and intimately acquainted with my deepest longings and thoughts, showing mercy toward my sin and shortcomings, graciously giving more and more of your own Self until I am intoxicated in it; Oh Abba, won't you please draw me nearer? So close to your heart that your presence obscures the cares of this world, the desire of the flesh, and the doubt that lurks behind every disappointed hope. My heartaches are small when set beside the groaning of creation, but it is consuming to this soul. Be more consuming still, oh Spirit who searches me."

Be more consuming still.