our "double portion"

One year ago, I was cuddling this little guy, amazed that the Lord had graciously -undeservedly-  answered the desire of our hearts. This past year has been a beautiful, redemptive year as the Lord has filled up our days with Cai's laughter.

Happy first birthday, Cai. You are a delight to my heart, and I am so thankful for you. Every moment I have with you, I am reminded that "all is grace"; it's a matter of God's undeserved favor to me that I have had 365 days to soothe, nurse, laugh, teach, and play with you. You are a double portion of joy to us, and I hope for many days to come. I love you, infinitely.

letters, longing and gratitude

There's a holy longing welling up in me today, and for the first time in awhile, I feel like I'm fully myself: I'm missing Gwendolyn. And I'm reminded once again that missing her, longing for her, is an integral part of my makeup - I am her mom, and I miss her.

I'm cleaning out drawers, finding treasures among the scraps: letters written to Gwendolyn, letters to me on her first birthday, words flowing with love and mourning and hope. Heavenly Day is playing and I'm weeping, remembering.