tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34723620426969298382024-03-13T16:49:30.907-07:00blessed hopeErin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-48371777760095454532014-10-18T07:20:00.001-07:002014-10-18T07:20:51.691-07:00Four yearsIt's Gwendolyn's fourth birthday, and I've been a train wreck, waiting for an opportune time to crash. The fall months are usually a Winter-- a slower season of waiting, remembering, and calm. Not so the past few months. Simply breathing is on the to do list.<br />
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I have feared much with this fourth birthday. Fear of not enough time, of making others uncomfortable, of not loving her well as the years pass. Fear of envy, fear of pity. No, not pity- impatience. The fear of man has been wide in my eyes.<br />
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My four year old fears God rightly. She never doubts. She willingly runs to You and is confident in Your care of her. She delights in Your presence and would not wish, for even one moment, to be anywhere else.<br />
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Isaiah 49 speaks loudly to my fearful soul: "He who has pity on them will lead them... The Lord has comforted his people... Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Lift up your eyes around and see... Then you will know that I am the LORD, those who wait for me shall not be put to shame."<br />
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I do not remember for fear of forgetting. And though even I may one day forget, Abba will not. Gwendolyn's name is engraved in the palm of God and held safe in His arms.<br />
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I have not hoped in vain. I will not be put to shame.<br />
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Four years closer to the reality of Heaven and wholeness.<br />
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Happy birthday, my darling.Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-80352336404102380982014-05-07T22:29:00.000-07:002014-05-07T22:29:08.532-07:00wonderIt's past midnight, and I'm finishing a letter of inquiry for a foundation. And 24 hours ago, those words would not even have computed in my head. (translation: I am putting together a letter that explains what Hope Mommies is and what we do and why a foundation should give us money to keep doing it.) I never imagined "grant writing" would go on my resume some day.<br />
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Today was one of those amazing-woman days --- the days where you feel like you accomplished so much, and you're learning so much, and you've actually have something to show for all your efforts. Those days don't come too often, so I enjoyed it immensely.<br />
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There are times when the growth and scope of Hope Mommies amazes me. Being a director of a non-profit that serves grieving moms was just not on my list of dream jobs when I was 10, you know? But to see it grow from being a God-dreamt idea in my broken heart to an international, multifaceted ministry that needs grant funding and a donor management and payment system and multiple leadership team members and volunteers and accountants and a growing board of directors... I just didn't see all this. And the best part is when I see the results. Tonight on Facebook, a Hope Group leader posted a photo of her group --- they were wrapping up their eight weeks of studying by having a Hospital Box Gathering and balloon release. <i>And I personally had nothing to do with it. </i>I'm a couple hundred miles away and was completely unaware that this was happening, yet there it was! Women who grieved well together, meeting and making boxes that will go into the hands of new Hope Moms...<br />
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doesn't that just cause wonder to happen in you?<br />
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Maybe not, because you're not me and you don't know the crazy that is my brain. The fact that Hope Mommies thrives is due all to Christ's sustaining and creating work; His calling to individuals to give their resources and heart to serve hurting families. That is just amazing. What an amazing God.<br />
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Also, mostly because I LOVE <a href="http://lindsayletters.com/" target="_blank">Lindsay Letters</a> and think that everyone should have one of these beauties in their home, I hope you'll skip over to the <a href="http://hopemommies.org/great-is-thy-faithfulness-and-a-giveaway" target="_blank">Hope Mommies blog</a> and read my post from today. :)<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-1978412483813072652014-02-14T18:43:00.001-08:002014-02-14T18:43:19.597-08:00keep on <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Things I want to do with my life:</div>
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Well the fun list is long... things like go to cooking school and spend a summer traveling Europe and become a Master Gardner and become creative enough that I don't need Pinterest... those are on the "fun" list (or I should say, "the list that sounds fun but isn't super important, even though they're not bad things.")</div>
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But really what I want to spend my life doing is what is pictured below: opening God's word and speaking to women about trusting Him. Thank you to my friend <a href="http://www.saralayne.com/" target="_blank">Sara</a> for capturing this desire on film --- it's a perfect reminder for me to continue to press on, even when my old American dream comes creeping in.</div>
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-73593452757564919492014-02-10T14:18:00.002-08:002014-02-10T14:19:08.743-08:002014 Retreat<br>
I think that I am out of words.<br>
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At least I'm out of any words that are cohesive, informative, and profound. So instead you'll get my stream of consciousness blog as I attempt to sort out the details of the past four days of the Hope Mommies 2014 Retreat.<br>
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<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2014/02/2014-retreat.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-53914165271616686002014-01-24T05:16:00.003-08:002014-01-24T05:16:42.565-08:00falling shortDear Abba,<br>
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I've been a horrible person this week.<br>
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<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2014/01/falling-short.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-28226125225471574272014-01-22T05:56:00.003-08:002014-01-22T05:56:48.011-08:00if i had a dollar...If I had a dollar for every post I began (in my head and half typed out) since October, I would have quite a few lattes paid for.<br />
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It's been a whirlwind of a season. Since we moved to town, I've been amazed at how easily the days slip by, though hour by hour they seem long. Malacai is staying very busy, growing into a little boy with an impish smile, learning how to count ("one, two, free, four... Aidah!") and sing ABC's, and having very definite opinions --- like we all do, though poor him, he doesn't always get what he wants.<br />
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We had a great Christmas and holiday season, and rather than me missing it by being behind the lens, I decided not to photograph and to actually engage. And now it's 10 days left in January (and today is my sister's birthday!). And I really think that being a mom makes your internal clock ALL messed up. And perhaps its just because it's January and the 4th annual <a href="http://www.hopemommies.org/2014-winter-retreat" target="_blank">Hope Mommies retreat</a> is in 15 days, but I always lose my mind a little bit as we prepare.<br />
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The theme this year is Looking UP -- looking up to God to save our brokenness; to Heaven as our hope; to the gospel as our platform in a dying world around us. And this morning I was reminded that as the 101 details need attending to and I'm stressing about how to get it all done, all I really need is to look to God.<br />
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<i>"The difficulties and trials--- the casting about in our minds as to what we shall do this summer, or tomorrow, all vanish when we look to God. Rouse yourself up and look to God. Build your hope on Him. No matter if there are a hundred and one things that press, resolutely exclude them all and look to Him."</i></div>
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<i>- </i>Oswald Chambers, <i>My Utmost for His Highest</i></div>
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<i>"But I call to God, and the LORD will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me...</i></div>
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<i>Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."</i></div>
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<i>- </i>King David, <i>Psalm 55:16-18, 22</i></div>
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-49098348382667078082013-10-20T00:00:00.000-07:002013-10-20T00:00:11.339-07:00Happy 3rd Heaven DayHappy Heaven Day, Gwenny.<br>
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Three years ago today, at 3:30am in the morning, you 'fell asleep' in my arms.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/10/happy-3rd-heaven-day.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-63866918869852707592013-10-09T21:01:00.001-07:002013-10-19T21:01:20.561-07:00macaroonsI made macaroons tonight.<br>
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(The normal coconut macaroons; not the amazingly brilliant colored macaroons that are trending right now.)<br>
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And I thought, "I'm making macaroons. Who has time to make macaroons? Remember when I didn't think I would ever be able to shower/fold laundry/watch a movie/smile/breathe/pray...? And somehow three years later, I'm making macaroons..."<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/10/macaroons.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-89254141451750997982013-08-25T09:34:00.000-07:002013-10-19T21:01:30.007-07:00Gwen's story revisitedIf you're a Hope Mom, talking about your children just isn't the easiest thing.<br>
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Answering the question, "How many kids do you have?" or "Oh, too bad you don't have a girl!" or "Is this your first?" becomes complicated the moment it leaves the person's mouth. Any conversation becomes awkward as soon as death is introduced.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/08/gwens-story-revisited.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-78443946378187668532013-07-17T10:43:00.000-07:002013-10-19T21:01:02.551-07:00ant-seeAntsy.<br>
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I think that's the best word for how I'm doing today - I'm antsy (which really, is a strange word. My thesaurus app tells me that "fidgety, stir-crazy, anxious, or agitated" might be a better option. Maybe "antsy" was one of those words back in the day that didn't make any sense and caused the older, literate generations to shake their heads in shame... much like I do when my summer counselors use "cray cray" for "crazy". Our nation is quickly becoming the stupidest, most illiterate country in the world... and I don't claim to be an exception!)<br>
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<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/07/ant-see.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-59529394174197492982013-06-30T09:01:00.003-07:002013-06-30T09:01:26.478-07:00household valuesIt's a quiet Sunday morning over here at the Cushman house. Blair is down at camp, preparing for his Sunday morning message (that he'll share by the time I've finished writing this blog), Malacai is taking his mid-morning snooze, and I'm enjoying the stillness. My heart, of course, is anything but still: we put an offer in on a house yesterday.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/06/household-values.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-674991384167240432013-06-17T09:20:00.001-07:002013-06-17T09:20:13.460-07:00a lotta babiesLast week, I had the joy of photographing the "Camp Eagle Baby Boom" kiddos. Including Gwendolyn, there have been eight babies born to 5 families in the last 2.5 years. On average, we usually have three women pregnant at the same time. (Currently there is no one, but I'm sure someone will catch whatever is in the water here soon.)<br />
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What a beautiful picture of God's miraculous grace to us. All of these babies are healthy. All of these babies are in a family that loves them and cares for their every need. Do you know how uncommon that is in this world? I'm so grateful to be a part of a christian community that truly sees that children are a blessing and heritage from the Lord!<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-55605045328650662602013-05-01T21:30:00.002-07:002013-05-01T21:30:42.178-07:00photographsI'm a big fan of pictures. If you know me at all, you know this about me. I value photographs. I love capturing slices of life: an expression, a light in the eyes, an unguarded moment. It's a way to imbue the mundane with meaning, to find beauty in the smallest things. Thats why it's disheartening that I don't have good photos of Gwendolyn.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/05/photographs.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-10316018221919892892013-04-20T19:48:00.000-07:002013-04-20T19:48:00.643-07:00our "double portion"One year ago, I was cuddling this little guy, amazed that the Lord had graciously -undeservedly- answered the desire of our hearts. This past year has been a beautiful, redemptive year as the Lord has filled up our days with Cai's laughter.<br />
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Happy first birthday, Cai. You are a delight to my heart, and I am so <i>thankful</i> for you. Every moment I have with you, I am reminded that "all is grace"; it's a matter of God's undeserved favor to me that I have had 365 days to soothe, nurse, laugh, teach, and play with you. You are a double portion of joy to us, and I <i>hope </i>for many days to come. I love you, infinitely.<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-39890336869255553702013-04-10T08:26:00.003-07:002013-04-10T08:28:25.012-07:00letters, longing and gratitudeThere's a holy longing welling up in me today, and for the first time in awhile, I feel like I'm fully myself: I'm missing Gwendolyn. And I'm reminded once again that missing her, longing for her, is an integral part of my makeup - I am her mom, and I miss her.<br>
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I'm cleaning out drawers, finding treasures among the scraps: letters written to Gwendolyn, letters to me on her first birthday, words flowing with love and mourning and hope. Heavenly Day is playing and I'm weeping, remembering.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/04/letters-longing-and-gratitude.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-51282928275628712462013-03-14T09:57:00.001-07:002013-03-14T09:57:44.467-07:00a baby shower devotionalRecently I was blessed to give a devotional (more reflections) for a friend's baby shower. I wanted to be able to share them, because it's really just a conglomeration of what the Lord has been teaching me!<br>
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<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-baby-shower-devotional.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-39357906835692463502013-02-15T07:57:00.002-08:002013-02-15T07:59:25.109-08:00debunking Heaven myths<span style="font-family: inherit;">Good morning! </span><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm sitting in a lovely condo in downtown Houston, listening to the sounds of the rushing traffic outside (unusual for me; unless you count gators and CAT equipment as traffic.) Cai and I tagged along with Blair and some friends for their camp marketing trips. Cai is currently napping, which gives me a bit of time to think, reflect and blog.</span><br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2013/02/debunking-heaven-myths.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-69016198561375688552013-02-04T08:05:00.000-08:002013-02-15T07:59:34.184-08:00reflectionsI'm closing my eyes, imagining that I am sitting with you ove a cup of coffee, and telling you about the last three days of my life. If I peek my eyes open (to double check on my spelling) I see a home that's in a bit of chaos, which too easily distracts. So I close my eyes again and the scenes of this past weekend at the Hope Mommies 2013 retreat create a slideshow for me:<br />
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I see women nervous, unsure about why in the world they just drove or flew so many miles to spend with women they don't know, sharing a wound too deep for human words.<br />
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I see the nervousness and fear beginning to thaw as they realize that they are at home with one another - they can be whomever they need to be, knowing that in this one place, having a child who is dead on earth but alive in Heaven isn't an awkward thing.<br />
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I see women scattered across a beautiful house, clustered in groups. Some laughing, some weeping, some taking time to look at the babies photographs, or spend time alone with the Lord.<br />
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I see three of my precious friends bravely sharing their story, gently exhorting us with tears to see life as a gift, to see eternity as so much bigger than our short time here, to see that forgiveness is a must if we want to experience the Lord's fullness for us.<br />
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I see a cloud of balloons making their way to the heavens, symbolizing our release of our babies into the arms of the Lord. And as our eyes strain to watch them float away, I hear the longing that echoes in our hearts that one Day, we too will be released from this failing body and at home with our Savior and our babies.<br />
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I see faithful friends serving us, quietly, prayerfully and without honor filling in the gaps to make the weekend flow as smoothly as possible for these hope mommies.<br />
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I see Hope Moms putting their creative energy and heart into decorating a Hope Box in their baby's honor, lovingly and prayerfully preparing a small gift for a woman who will soon walk in their shoes.<br />
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I see a group photo of women clothed in white - unintentional, actually - but the Lord knew that. He knew that we are marked, and that through that mark he would refine us - though our sins be scarlet, he would purify us to be white as snow.<br />
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I see women empowered, eager to help share God's hope in their own communities through hope boxes.<br />
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And in all these things - ALL of these things - I see the reflection of the glory of the Lord. "For no eye has seen him", yet we beheld His glory as He moved among His beloved, comforting them with His love.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-3" id="en-ESV-31041">And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, <span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31041H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup></span>the dwelling place of God is with man. He will <span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31041I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span>dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.</span><span class="text Rev-21-4" id="en-ESV-31042"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31042J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup>He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31042K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup>death shall be no more, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31042L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup>neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-5"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-5" id="en-ESV-31043">And <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31043M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup>he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31043N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup>am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31043O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup>these words are trustworthy and true.”</span> </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-6"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-6" id="en-ESV-31044">And he said to me, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31044P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup>“It is done! <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31044Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup>I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31044R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup>To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.</span> <span class="text Rev-21-7" id="en-ESV-31045">The one who conquers will have this heritage, and <span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31045T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup></span>I will be his God and <span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-31045U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup></span>he will be my son.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rev-21-7">Revelation 21:3-7</span></i></span></div>
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-83165514466903408542013-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:002013-01-12T13:40:22.822-08:00Happy New Year! (+12)2012 wrapped itself up in a whirlwind of activity. We had four Christmases, traveled by car, plane and train, dodged the flu only to catch it a few weeks later, enjoyed a heavy snow in Wisconsin by sledding (for the first time for me!), toured the Perot Museum, had 13 summer staff over for a sleepover for New Year's Eve, enjoyed a week of Schmidts, officiated and coordinated a wedding, and then... ahhh. Relaxation!<br />
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This week has been a return to normal. Cai is adjusting to the quiet, though he's making quite a racket of his own. In the few weeks we were gone, he crossed some milestones: 3rd tooth, crawling, pulling up on furniture, beginning to eat solid foods, throw legit tantrums, and say "mama" and "da da da" like he knows who he's talking about. He is a constant source of joy for us. Being his mom is also incredibly humbling, as I really (and who really does?) have no idea how to best shepherd his heart. I am so thankful that the Lord is faithful to care for Cai beyond my limitations, and He also cares for me and promises me wisdom and discernment for the "I have no idea what to do!" moments that come too frequently.<br />
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I've actually been really enjoying this new year. I am not normally this pumped about a new calendar year, but I have high hopes and expectations. I had decided back in the fall that I wanted to be very intentional and measurable with 2013. So far, my only two MAIN goals are to grow in my prayer life with the Lord, and to complete my 2013 reading list. I also have a variety of sub-goals (like gardening, blogging more often, delegating Hope Mommies responsibilities and growing our ministry, becoming a better photographer and starting a side business, buying in bulk, eating real/traditional food, making sourdough bread, simplify and de-clutter my house, opening an Etsy shop with my graphic design and crochet things... those are just a few off the top of my head.)<br />
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This week I feel like my brain is in "butterfly" mode: flitting from here to there, and getting a better scope on my heart, my household, and my ministry. So here's snippets of thoughts/updates from all my butterfly landings:<br />
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I CANNOT seem to make sourdough bread. My starter works, my dough rises beautifully, and then my loaf crashes. Conclusion? If nothing else, it's an opportunity to grow in patience.<br />
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The Hope Mommies 2013 retreat is in three weekends. We have 34 moms coming, and I am so humbled and awed that they would come (some of them from Washington state, New Jersey, Missouri and Arkansas) to spend a weekend working through one of the greatest heartaches of their life. I have a lot to do between now and then. (and then panic strikes...)<br />
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I still have Christmas decorations up.<br />
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I bought a 50mm lens for my Nikon; can't wait for it to come in and practice on the new baby here at camp! (and Cai of course. He's just not as still as Zella will be.)<br />
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Prayer is, for me, such a difficult subject of the christian walk. That's why I want to spend this year reading books, studying the Word, and actually praying about prayer. Right now I'm in D.L. Moody's book, <u>Prevailing Prayer</u>, and it's challenging. Here's a quote from his chapter on confession: "There is a difference between God searching me and my searching myself. I may search my heart, and pronounce it all right, but when God searches me as with a lighted candle, a good many things will come to light that perhaps I know nothing about."<br />
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And now my son is awake from his nap, our garden preparations need to be done before the day light is gone, and I have some chores to finish. So here's a few photos:<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-11446932089192280692012-12-16T22:07:00.003-08:002012-12-16T22:07:52.933-08:00December 16, 1996That is the date of my baby brother's birthday. And I realize that most of you don't know that I have a baby brother, which means you also don't know my story. So I'm going to tell it to you. :)<br>
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I was born in 1983, to Christian parents and three older siblings. I had a good childhood, as much as I can remember (and I have a terrible memory). But I knew that I was loved, I knew about God, and I knew that I was a sinner. When I was eight, and on the way to Disney World, I asked my dad how I could avoid hell, and he explained about asking Jesus to save me, so I did. I didn't understand at that point that faith also requires a repentance.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2012/12/december-16-1996.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-14342507159452159052012-11-02T10:13:00.002-07:002012-11-02T10:13:25.310-07:00responsibility and refined sugar"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." James 4:17<br>
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About 10 years or so ago this verse really hit home in a ridiculous way. <br>
</div><a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2012/11/responsibility-and-refined-sugar.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-49506377213348445632012-10-30T09:14:00.000-07:002012-10-30T09:14:49.286-07:00asceticism or indulgence?Malacai is taking one of those rare naps that last longer than 20 minutes, which has left me with a good chunk of time to spend with the Lord in His Word and prayer, and also sort through my thoughts and emotions from the last few days. This past weekend was a fun whirlwind of relationships, as my mom, aunts, sisters and cousins came to camp for a girls retreat. On Sunday afternoon, most of the women had left and I was able to enjoy a few hours with just Autumn and Debi (and Cai of course). I always feel like I'm constantly learning when I'm with them - they both have such different interests than I do, and have both done their research, so I feel as though I'm mining the riches of health, parenting, homemaking, and christianity "tips" when we talk. And of course I'm left to wonder if the things that interest me are a waste of time, and I should rather invest my time, treasure and talents in more than crafts, creativity, and Pinterest.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2012/10/asceticism-or-indulgence.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-1828731014116129842012-10-22T07:08:00.001-07:002012-10-22T07:08:19.501-07:00One DayTwo years ago today, on a cold and overcast October morning, we laid our Gwendolyn's precious body in the earth. At the service, Pastor Chris had declared, "One Day, there will be a great undoing of everything we're doing here!"<br />
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Looking forward to the Day! Come, Lord Jesus.<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-4671055282472114562012-10-18T21:12:00.000-07:002012-10-18T21:16:59.871-07:00birthday post scriptThere were a few interesting things about your birthday today, Gwenny.<br />
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First, while I was pulling out the wish lanterns that we would send to the heavens later this evening, I accidentally tumbled over a shoebox. To my surprise, the shoebox was filled with old love letters from your dad, and our long lost wedding vows! I have searched high and low for those vows, but never found them until today. That was a gift in itself for me, and it was precious for me to be reminded that your dad and I had vowed to love each other through hardship <i>and</i> joys- both of which we've endured. The Spirit may not give me a picture of you yet, Gwenny, but today He reminded me that He is what has sustained my marriage, enabling us to keep what we promised each other exactly four and a half years ago today.<br />
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Second, the lighting was just right and I had just enough spark of creativity to put together a quick photo shoot of your little brother. I took a photo of him and our "gwendolamb" - a gift that a sweet friend had given us after you went Home. Gwendolamb has caught many a tear and allowed me to hug her fiercely when I've longed to hold you these past two years, and is often sporting the pink and white crochet hat that you wore while in the hospital. She's my favorite cuddly thing, and now I have "you" and Cai in a great photo together. (Good photos just make me happy, hon.)<br />
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Third, we had a birthday party for you tonight. I made you a pumpkin cake and many of the people that had known you came over. We ate a lot of sweets, sent off two wish lanterns, and sat by the fire after everyone had left.<br />
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I didn't know how to feel today, Gwen. I told the Lord this morning that I was unsure how to go about today... and was reminded that even though I may not know the layers of my heart, He does. And so even if everyone mourned/remembered/celebrated with us, or no one did - the Lord knows. There is great comfort in that, isn't there? Hmm. I just realized that it was exactly about this time that I met you face to face two years ago... what a moment that was.<br />
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I'm thankful that I can count on many more to come. I love you, Gwendolyn Hope Cushman. You have profoundly changed my life, in nearly every way imaginable. I'll see you soon.<br />
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<br />Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3472362042696929838.post-65359874385243952282012-10-18T07:44:00.003-07:002012-10-18T07:45:05.778-07:00Happy Birthday, BabyGood morning, darling.<br>
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It's the morning of your second birthday, and I'm enjoying a cup of coffee at the kitchen table while waiting for the monkey bread to finish baking. (I've decided that monkey bread will be a birthday breakfast tradition.) From where I sit, I can see your little brother rolling all over the floor and chasing the blocks that stay temptingly out of his tiny reach. Your footprints are staring at me from Daddy's coffee mug, and I'm already teary and overwhelmed by how people are loving our little family today.<br>
<a href="http://ourblessedhope.blogspot.com/2012/10/happy-birthday-baby.html#more">Read more »</a>Erin Cushmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05141128134871578379noreply@blogger.com3