brave

Ahh, the sound of quiet.

Well, it's actually not quiet yet, but the boys are about to switch from the bath, to reading books, to bed, so quiet is soon on it's way. Blair and I had a long day in town with the boys, including a doctor's visit for B and visitation for both of them. And while my heart is still racing from scurrying about: making dinner, cleaning dinner, throwing a load of laundry in, wrapping presents, and putting groceries away, my thoughts are about 1,000 miles away.


They're in Seattle, to be specific. At the exact place (wherever that is) that my friend Christy is at. Christy gave birth to her firstborn son, Brave, yesterday afternoon. And my beautiful Christy is not having the day after birth that many moms experience... Cre is beginning the long journey of grief, because precious Brave was born sleeping.

When my sister called to tell me (my sister, who is now walking through her best friend's loss, after walking a year with me in mine), I just couldn't believe it. Somehow, though I know the statistics of infant loss very well, I still had hoped and believed that I would be the only person in my friend group to experience infant loss.

I'm just aching for Christy. Knowing the feeling that each hour takes you farther away from your child. Knowing the pain of a room filled with baby things, a car with a carseat waiting... even the innocuous details of how facebook can profile you with parenting ads and how you'll get spammed from babycenter.com. Your reality hits with every single breath--- and everything hurts.

It's just different, knowing them. Having known Christy for over 11 years, had heart to hearts, good wine, laughter, and sharing dreams. Knowing her joy and how this will shape it. I work with Hope Moms every day, and hear a new story multiple times a week. But Christy, Andrew, and Brave have faces that I know and love, and I ache all the more for them.

I can't get over his name ... Jackson Brave. How fitting that the Lord gave them his name, knowing how much they will need to be brave in the face of death, and the fear that so easily ensnares. I'm thankful that it's truly the Lord who is our Courage; and that He upholds us in heartache. I'm thankful that Christ was brave to conquer death and give us hope.

Dear Gwenny, give Brave a kiss for me. Remind him how loved he is, and how much his parents miss him, looking forward to the day of seeing his bright eyes and smile. 


Christ, our only Hope - uphold Cre and Andrew by your power, being sufficient for every need and supreme over every detail in life. I plead with you now to show them your tenderness, and protect them from the enemy who longs for this to ruin their trust in You. Thank you for being willing to lay down your life for ours, and for giving Brave an eternity of joy, peace, and love that can never be taken away. Thank you that we can confidently believe that we WILL see him again. May your confidence rest over Christy and Andrew. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.