twenty-eight

Twenty-eight. That's how old I will be as of tomorrow morning. After Gwendolyn went to Jesus, I decided to take a break from all holidays for a year - I ignored my birthday last year, pretty much failed at Christmas, Valentine's Day, and every friend's birthday that has passed. So now that I'm back into a season that allows for special days of the year, I feel out of practice. Or maybe it's that I'm getting old - birthdays lose their "funness".


I've had a habit for the last 11 years or so to spend the night before my birthday cataloguing the past year, marking the highs, lows, trends, themes, relationships and major events that have shaped my year. I'm really just someone who likes to neatly package the mess of my life, label it with a one word sticker, and shove it to the back shelves of my mind.

So tonight as I sat in my shower, attempting to summarize this past year... I decided this just won't fit. This will be "The Year" that remains unsorted, an explosion of days that can't be summed up neatly or put into something pretty.

2010/2011 looked something like this: I cried... and cried... and cried. I skipped Christmas - unheard of. I ran a half marathon. I started a 501(c)3 non-profit Christian ministry for grieving moms. We started the fostering process. I packed up Gwen's things. We shared life with 18 summer staff and 780 campers for 10 weeks (13, when you include staff training). We started trying to get pregnant. (I am 16 weeks along.) We road-tripped to Colorado and New Mexico. We moved into a new house. We have had two foster boys living with us for the past 7 weeks.

And as all these events ran through my head, I realized... there is just no word for this year. And that's okay. Because at the end of it all, the Lord is faithful. He endured my crazy rantings, plans, and frantic searching for value and meaning. He undoubtably led us to all of these major events (half marathon not included - I blame that on Sarah.) So since I know that it was all of His ideas, I can rest in the knowledge that Hope Mommies will succeed, camp is where we are meant to be, and He desires us to be foster parents and biological parents to undeserved gifts called "children".

So here we go, Lord. Another year - and I trust You.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, 

for He who promised is faithful." 

Hebrews 10:23