a little fruit

Dear Gwenny,

I think I've decided that it's easier to write to you than to write out my own thoughts these days. Most of the time, random gibberish and unimportant details of the day make their way into my personal journal... maybe with you, I try to actually consolidate my thoughts into something cohesive and semi-important.... maybe. :)


Hope Mommies has launched the registration for the winter retreat in February. Last night I had a mini-panic attack thinking, "Oh no! What if nobody wants to come!? And all this work is for nothing?!!" So today it was rewarding to see registrations coming in, and read the excitement on the Hope Mommies page. Maybe it's selfish, Gwendolyn... or prideful, or both. But it is rewarding to see fruit from this labor of losing you.

Do you know one of my favorite thoughts, Gwenny? I love thinking about how you are friends with all of these Hope Moms' babies. I love thinking that as we plan on getting together to have fun, and cry, and fellowship together in February, maybe you will all be having a party in Heaven on the same day. Maybe I just love the thought because it reminds me that you're real, and more full of emotion and joy than I can imagine (which is a lot you know).

...

It's not that I've run out of things to say... I'm just not sure how to say them. So for now, I'll say I love you. G'nite sweetheart.

Mom